Shock and Awe- common assumptions about a real girl.

It has come to my attention recently that there appears to be a trend in my interactions with people I  have only just met. Specifically those of the male gender. Of course I’m sure that all of you who have read some of my earlier posts think me to be a maneater/hater, and however useless it is to claim otherwise I promise that it’s not true at all. I love men. I mean really I do.  And I assure you I’m quite accepting for the most part. I’m just…not a doormat. 

ANYWHO- trends with men. Right.  Ok so I’ve noticed that guys I am interacting with and just starting to get to know seem to naturally assume things about, and most men seem to have the same assumptions about me in common. I’m not sure what this is due to, if it’s my personality, the way I look, or some vibe I give off, but there’s a notable trend.  The second related trend is that there are certain things that every guy, and some girls too, seem to be shocked to learn about me. Again- not sure as to the origins of this trend, but I plan to investigate. 

So just in case you’re curious, I am going to supply you lucky reader, with a list of the top 5 of each.  Now before I do that I’d like to acknowledge that not all of these are unique to me, I’m sure there are plenty of girls like me who get the same shocked reaction when she announces these things, or has guys naturally make the same erroneous assumptions about her… I’m just pointing them out because Ithink it’s interesting/entertaining.

Lets begin shall we? I’m going to start in the reverse order that these were presented, just to be a rebel.

“Shocking” Facts About me, In order of Shock Value

1.      1.  I have tattoos.  Yes, plural.  It’s shocking enough that I have one, but MULTIPLE?!  Oh lordy this girl must be a closet wild card!  “You just don’t look like the kind of girl who would have tattoos!” Ok…so what does the girl who looks like she’d have tattoos look like?  Oh right- I don’t wear all black, or belly shirts, so that disqualifies me for the punk/rebel and tramp-stamp hooker role huh?

2.     2.   I have never “been with” or even  kissed a girl.  The IMMEDIATE first reaction is disbelief. Automatically-  “Are you SERIOUS?  I don’t mean have sex, but you’ve never even KISSED another girl!  All the girls at the parties do it!”  Well believe it or not some women are simply not attracted to other women. Also some are not so easily seduced by the amount of alcohol in their system. So no- I have not so much as touched lips with another female above the age of 3, who is not related to me.  WHOA!

3.    3.    I’m actually intelligent.  For some reason this is shocking. Not in the  “–gasp-   You-You’re actually SMART!” way, but in the, “every time I have a logical intellectual debate, men  use the ‘wow you’re really smart, I’ve never met  a girl like you!’” way.  Yes, that has happened to me with nearly each one of the guys I’ve talked to.  And let me tell you gentlemen- I’m NOT the only other intelligent woman out there.  A LOT actually.  So either you’re being atrociously chauvinist and sexist- or you surround yourself with too many bimbos.  Just sayin’

4.      4. I’m not afraid of camping/snakes/bugs/getting dirty in general.  This is one of those that is so shocking it’s unbelievable.   They give me the narrow-eyed-squinty-look of skepticism.  “But…you pain your nails. And you don’t look butch, or wear cowgirl boots…I’m confused.”  Then once I’ve explained that my father is a biologist and I’ve grown up camping, playing in the mud and making friends with creepy-crawlies…they proclaim that they’ll “have to see it.” Something about being little with big eyes means you can’t play in the dirt and enjoy it.

5.      5.  I’m left-handed.  This is a more universal one as well, something about being left-handed is CCCRRAAAYYYZZYY!  “Wow that’s crazy!  I can’t write at all with my left hand!” whoa! I can’t write with my right!! Duuuude.

Common Assumptions

1.       1. They can beat me at literally anything physical- minus dancing.  “Oh you played soccer for 10 years?  I’ve never played, but I could totally kick your ass. Let’s play RIGHT NOW so I can prove to you how awesome and masculine I am!”  Ok, so I’m not tall, and I am not built. And I probably weigh as much as your left leg…that doesn’t mean that you’re instantly better than me at everything athletic.  Maybe you think it’s cute to repeatedly tell me how much better you are at sports than I am, but when we get out to that soccer field I know which balls I’m kicking first.

2.       2. 3That I must love chick flicks- and relatedly must hate action films.  I’m a woman! And I wear makeup, paint my nails, and sometimes wear pink! Clearly that qualifies me for the Nick Sparks fan club right? No.  Not even kind of.  In fact Nicholas Sparks’ terrible conglomerate of predictable plots and atrocious storyline flaws, unrealistic characters and vomitously mushy line sequences makes me feel immediately compelled to become violent using the nearest blunt object.  In fact I would choose an action film over a chick flick 99% of the time!  The 1% is reserved for romantic movies based off of 1800s classics, like Wuthering Heights and Pride and Prejudice. 

3.    3.  I’m a bad driver.  Maybe they assume this of all women in general, but it seems to be especially directed at me. You can’t possibly be a feminine woman who laughs a lot AND be a good driver! It just doesn’t happen!  Question gents- how many things have YOU hit? B/c my count, after 5 years is still at 0!  I’ll admit to one speeding ticket, but that’s the max damage. You’re probably safer riding with me than driving yourself anywhere!

4.      4.  I don’t understand sarcasm.  I don’t know why but for some reason I appear as  being “too innocent or naïve” to actually understand witty exchanges.  Guys are always explaining “I was being sarcastic” or “I was just kidding” or “It was a joke” to me.  Ok it’s sweet that you care enough to clarify- but I GOT IT.  If I’m not standing up screaming when you tell me you think I’m really a man…chances are I got that it was a sarcastic comment. Thanks though!

5.       5. I never eat.  I get this from both girls and guys admittedly.  But by the 2^nd or 3^rd dinner date a guy inevitably is telling me to eat more.  I’ve decided that this is because I’m small. This seems obvious, but they fail to take into consideration that my small stature doesn’t ALLOW me to eat much!  Proportionally I eat like a man. I snack all day…just look at my size physically! It should be no shock to you that I can’t ingest 4 beers and ¾ of a pizza in one sitting!

On Irishmen, and Body Odor.

I like Irishmen.  Girls like Irishmen.  Generally.  I don’t know what it is, I think it’s something about the manliness, the rough and tough, “I’ll give you a knuckle sandwich if you look at me wrong” mentality.

 Or maybe it’s just the accent.

Mmmm, Irish accents.   What’s even better is when they sing with an Irish accent. 

So I’m personally, a fan of St. Patrick’s day.  I love green, Shamrocks are cool, it gives me an excuse to act like a heathen because everyone is drunk anyway,  annnd I like Irishmen.

Particularly ones with Irish names, and that sexy Irish face.

Yeah, you know what I’m talking about.  The manly jaw, broad shoulders, lean body ‘button-y’ nose, wavy hair, a few freckles and that sexy ‘devil may care’ attitude.  Om nom- okay, I have to cut into my ramble-  I’m currently writing this in the lounge of one of my buildings.  A very very short guy (in my major) just walked by COMPLETELY dressed in leprechaun garb.  I mean neon green and black striped socks, those strange man-capris, black buckle shoes, that strange green bowler hat…and a green waistcoat.  And I haven’t even been drinking.  It’s legit. There is a leprechaun on my campus.  Good god.

I’m completely distracted now.  Leprechauns.  Dear Lord. 

Anyway.

  

Oh, I guess there’s also the fact that I’m Irish.  But not enough to be going around telling people to kiss me because of it.  My Irish accent eventually turns into a British-Indian accent.  I’m honestly just Irish enough to appreciate the occasional potato product, and to blame my temper on my Irish roots.  And my reddish hair.  I’m sort of a melting pot of culture-  Lithuanian, French, Irish.  Eastern European and French mostly. 

I also like St. Patrick’s day, because I get to observe all of the drunks.  And I inevitably get a few drunk texts that are always an interesting part of the day after I interpret the meaning through all of the extra letters incorporated into it. 

This morning, I got an email from facebook telling me about a message that the local pub (whose owner I am somehow friends with on FB) is serving Irish breakfast; green eggs and green beer.  Yum.  (Not). Yes, let’s start the day off right with a yeasty green drink and some eggs.  I guess it doesn’t help that I don’t like eggs or beer.  I like to pretend I’m more refined than that. Although in reality I just think that beer smells and tastes similar to spoiled bread dough and vomit. Just saying.

I saw a shirt at an Irish festival that I went to a few months ago. It said “Kiss me I’m Irish, slip me some tongue, I’m French.”

If I had a shirt like that, it would have to say “buy me a vodka shot, I’m Russian, then kiss me I’m Irish, then try to slip me some tongue since I’m French, then be kicked in the cahones because I’m not a slut.”

Win.

Now let’s talk BO.

Yuck right?

No one likes BO.  But it’s a natural occurrence right? I mean , you hit puberty, and at some point you (or the person next to you is) is like, ‘wow, that game of dodgeball was hardcore…shit, what smells like onions?’

Naturally, in order to counteract this unfortunate phenomenon, you take showers regularly, and invest in some D.O for your B.O.  After that, it’s typically solved, except if you might forget to put it on after your shower and then run a few miles, or you just sweat profusely and forget to reapply.

Sooo, I find it unacceptable that in our 20 somethings, there are STILL people who reek of ze boday odeur.  I have encountered two such individuals (of many) that I come in contact with on a daily basis. HOW does this happen?  There is soap readily available EVERYWHERE! In fact, where I work, you can get it AND deo for FREE.  There is no excuse to not be deodorizing!

I mean REALLY? Do you NOT notice that while most people around you smell like perfume, cologne,  -(ohp, there’s a bald guy wearing a kilt and knee socks with a tee shirt…such diversity on this campus!) – or at least SOAP or neutrality, you are sending off stink vibes that would scare off Pepe le Pu and Pigpen??  How do you NOT smell the stench of onions and body oil emanating from your body?  How do you NOT notices that people hold their breath and make faces when you walk too close to them?  I mean, not to be a bitch, but REALLY? 

From now on, I’m going to carry axe with me.  If I smell BO, you’re getting sprayed.  That’s just it.  Think of me as your friendly neighborhood BO eradicator. 

So here are some fun facts about body odor-

·         Sweat doesn’t actually smell, it’s the bacteria on your skin reacting with the sweat that makes it smell.

·         Body odor can indicate health problems.

·         Research shows that a chemical in men’s sweat can cause women to be turned on, as well as to ‘regulate’ menstruation and the release of feminine chemicals.

·         People choose partners by odor.  If you don’t like the smell of your partner’s body odor, you should reconsider having a long-term relationship with them, as the odor is a significant factor is sexual attraction.  It has to do with different immune systems. (You naturally choose a partner who has a different immune system than yours, which you can sense by the smell of their body)

·         Body odor indicates what you eat.

·         Women’s sweat typically smells like onions, men’s smells like cheese. (ew, to both.)

·         Asians produce less body odor.

·         Body odor is just as unique as a finger print.

·         Women are more sensitive to body odor.

It’s very strange to think that you enjoy the smell of a person’s body odor if you’re attracted to them in an evolutionary, biological way.  I guess that explains the failure of my past love encounters. :p

Okay kiddies, that’s it today,

Erin go Bragh, Póg ma thoin, and Tá m'árthach foluaineach lán d'eascanna.

Ta!

Pornography, Body Odor, and Being Checked Out

I said I would stick to themes.
So, in the interest of sticking to said themes, I have chosen three. =]
Loophole? P'raps.  But while I'm a FANTASTIC ranter/rambler (there goes my giant ego again. :p) I prefer to jump around a bit.

Okay, so, first subject. Pornography.
I started thinking about it today when we had a discussion about feminism and pornography in my 'Women in Soc' class.
There are compelling arguments FOR pornography, and AGAINST pornography.  The logical side of me can't choose which side I'm on. The emotional, neurotic part of me just screams "I hate pornnnn!!" retpeatedly while I try to think logically. However, let's examine this topic a bit.
--Logic
      -FOR pornography

•  says that it empowers women, allows them to make money in an industry they may be interested in.
• shows freedom of women, who can now flaunt their bodies in ways that society never allowed before
• 'censoring' or making pornography illegal takes away 1st amendment and sets women's rights back again.
• Allows women, and couples to learn sexual things they previously didn't know.
• Is a sexual outlet for people who don't have a partner, don't want a partner etc.
• Allows accommodation of 'darker fantasies'

   -AGAINST pornography

• Causes objectification of women
• Causes violence towards women as a result of objectification
• Some women in the sex industry are there due to manipulation or drug control
• Disrespectful of women
• Focuses on the pleasing of MEN, not women
• Focuses only sexuality of women, not other attributes.
• Erotica (sexually pleasing literature, film etc that respects all people and animals involved) is ok, however Pornography (depicting the degredation, humiliation, abuse,disrespect etc of people, animals, genitalia etc) is NOT ok.
• Builds "sexual tolerance" in people who watch it too much, forcing them to pursue more and more extreme forms in order to fulfill sexual appetite.

   -MY views

• I really have no idea.  I can see both sides.  I believe that by McKinnon's definition of  "pornography" (featured in the 'against' section) is terrible, and SHOULD be censored.
• as a person who has been through a relationship in which I was abused, I can safely say that I hate pornography, and I do believe that it had some part in my abuse.  The person who abused me read it, watched it, 'participated' in it constantly, even in front of me. I would even venture to say that it was an addiction, and he took out the side-effects on me.
• My emotional side, hates it, and can't approve, no matter what the logic behind it is.  This is probably for the aforementioned reason, as well as that I come from a religious family, and am uncomfortable with complete nakedness, my own, and that of others. I'm highly private, especially sexually, I don't like PDA (my own or others') and something about seeing other people in such an intimate, physical situation makes me twitch, and not in a good way.  (If you want to see how red and fidgity a person can get, put a nudy mag in front of me.)  I mean, I freaked out when my computer got a virus that popped up about 80 windows of porn on my computer!  I yelled loudly, slammed the laptop shut, and handed it to my boyfriend, telling him to fix it.
• I supposed my emotional hatred also stems from the insecurity that stemmed from my teenage years, and from my abusive relationship. At least if we're being completely honest.  I mean, don't get me wrong, I've grown up, I know many many people, not only men look at porn in some form.  But that doesn't mean that I like it, I just know I can't change it.  My logic is mixed between "I hate it b/c it makes me feel like I"m not good enough to get you going" and "I guess it's ok b/c at least you're not out somewhere cheating on me."
• In conclusion- I'm basically stuck.  

Okay okay, enough about naked people. 

Now that I'm thinking of it, forget BO and Being checked out. I'll cover those oh-so-important topics later. 

Yay me, sticking to one theme!  

NEXT TIME- check in for 'Body Odor, really?' on 'Ramblings of a Real Girl!'