It has come to my attention recently that there appears to be a trend in my interactions with people I have only just met. Specifically those of the male gender. Of course I’m sure that all of you who have read some of my earlier posts think me to be a maneater/hater, and however useless it is to claim otherwise I promise that it’s not true at all. I love men. I mean really I do. And I assure you I’m quite accepting for the most part. I’m just…not a doormat.
ANYWHO- trends with men. Right. Ok so I’ve noticed that guys I am interacting with and just starting to get to know seem to naturally assume things about, and most men seem to have the same assumptions about me in common. I’m not sure what this is due to, if it’s my personality, the way I look, or some vibe I give off, but there’s a notable trend. The second related trend is that there are certain things that every guy, and some girls too, seem to be shocked to learn about me. Again- not sure as to the origins of this trend, but I plan to investigate.
So just in case you’re curious, I am going to supply you lucky reader, with a list of the top 5 of each. Now before I do that I’d like to acknowledge that not all of these are unique to me, I’m sure there are plenty of girls like me who get the same shocked reaction when she announces these things, or has guys naturally make the same erroneous assumptions about her… I’m just pointing them out because Ithink it’s interesting/entertaining.
Lets begin shall we? I’m going to start in the reverse order that these were presented, just to be a rebel.
“Shocking” Facts About me, In order of Shock Value
1. 1. I have tattoos. Yes, plural. It’s shocking enough that I have one, but MULTIPLE?! Oh lordy this girl must be a closet wild card! “You just don’t look like the kind of girl who would have tattoos!” Ok…so what does the girl who looks like she’d have tattoos look like? Oh right- I don’t wear all black, or belly shirts, so that disqualifies me for the punk/rebel and tramp-stamp hooker role huh?
2. 2. I have never “been with” or even kissed a girl. The IMMEDIATE first reaction is disbelief. Automatically- “Are you SERIOUS? I don’t mean have sex, but you’ve never even KISSED another girl! All the girls at the parties do it!” Well believe it or not some women are simply not attracted to other women. Also some are not so easily seduced by the amount of alcohol in their system. So no- I have not so much as touched lips with another female above the age of 3, who is not related to me. WHOA!
3. 3. I’m actually intelligent. For some reason this is shocking. Not in the “–gasp- You-You’re actually SMART!” way, but in the, “every time I have a logical intellectual debate, men use the ‘wow you’re really smart, I’ve never met a girl like you!’” way. Yes, that has happened to me with nearly each one of the guys I’ve talked to. And let me tell you gentlemen- I’m NOT the only other intelligent woman out there. A LOT actually. So either you’re being atrociously chauvinist and sexist- or you surround yourself with too many bimbos. Just sayin’
4. 4. I’m not afraid of camping/snakes/bugs/getting dirty in general. This is one of those that is so shocking it’s unbelievable. They give me the narrow-eyed-squinty-look of skepticism. “But…you pain your nails. And you don’t look butch, or wear cowgirl boots…I’m confused.” Then once I’ve explained that my father is a biologist and I’ve grown up camping, playing in the mud and making friends with creepy-crawlies…they proclaim that they’ll “have to see it.” Something about being little with big eyes means you can’t play in the dirt and enjoy it.
5. 5. I’m left-handed. This is a more universal one as well, something about being left-handed is CCCRRAAAYYYZZYY! “Wow that’s crazy! I can’t write at all with my left hand!” whoa! I can’t write with my right!! Duuuude.
Common Assumptions
1. 1. They can beat me at literally anything physical- minus dancing. “Oh you played soccer for 10 years? I’ve never played, but I could totally kick your ass. Let’s play RIGHT NOW so I can prove to you how awesome and masculine I am!” Ok, so I’m not tall, and I am not built. And I probably weigh as much as your left leg…that doesn’t mean that you’re instantly better than me at everything athletic. Maybe you think it’s cute to repeatedly tell me how much better you are at sports than I am, but when we get out to that soccer field I know which balls I’m kicking first.
2. 2. 3That I must love chick flicks- and relatedly must hate action films. I’m a woman! And I wear makeup, paint my nails, and sometimes wear pink! Clearly that qualifies me for the Nick Sparks fan club right? No. Not even kind of. In fact Nicholas Sparks’ terrible conglomerate of predictable plots and atrocious storyline flaws, unrealistic characters and vomitously mushy line sequences makes me feel immediately compelled to become violent using the nearest blunt object. In fact I would choose an action film over a chick flick 99% of the time! The 1% is reserved for romantic movies based off of 1800s classics, like Wuthering Heights and Pride and Prejudice.
3. 3. I’m a bad driver. Maybe they assume this of all women in general, but it seems to be especially directed at me. You can’t possibly be a feminine woman who laughs a lot AND be a good driver! It just doesn’t happen! Question gents- how many things have YOU hit? B/c my count, after 5 years is still at 0! I’ll admit to one speeding ticket, but that’s the max damage. You’re probably safer riding with me than driving yourself anywhere!
4. 4. I don’t understand sarcasm. I don’t know why but for some reason I appear as being “too innocent or naïve” to actually understand witty exchanges. Guys are always explaining “I was being sarcastic” or “I was just kidding” or “It was a joke” to me. Ok it’s sweet that you care enough to clarify- but I GOT IT. If I’m not standing up screaming when you tell me you think I’m really a man…chances are I got that it was a sarcastic comment. Thanks though!
5. 5. I never eat. I get this from both girls and guys admittedly. But by the 2nd or 3rd dinner date a guy inevitably is telling me to eat more. I’ve decided that this is because I’m small. This seems obvious, but they fail to take into consideration that my small stature doesn’t ALLOW me to eat much! Proportionally I eat like a man. I snack all day…just look at my size physically! It should be no shock to you that I can’t ingest 4 beers and ¾ of a pizza in one sitting!
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