On Irishmen, and Body Odor.

I like Irishmen.  Girls like Irishmen.  Generally.  I don’t know what it is, I think it’s something about the manliness, the rough and tough, “I’ll give you a knuckle sandwich if you look at me wrong” mentality.

 Or maybe it’s just the accent.

Mmmm, Irish accents.   What’s even better is when they sing with an Irish accent. 

So I’m personally, a fan of St. Patrick’s day.  I love green, Shamrocks are cool, it gives me an excuse to act like a heathen because everyone is drunk anyway,  annnd I like Irishmen.

Particularly ones with Irish names, and that sexy Irish face.

Yeah, you know what I’m talking about.  The manly jaw, broad shoulders, lean body ‘button-y’ nose, wavy hair, a few freckles and that sexy ‘devil may care’ attitude.  Om nom- okay, I have to cut into my ramble-  I’m currently writing this in the lounge of one of my buildings.  A very very short guy (in my major) just walked by COMPLETELY dressed in leprechaun garb.  I mean neon green and black striped socks, those strange man-capris, black buckle shoes, that strange green bowler hat…and a green waistcoat.  And I haven’t even been drinking.  It’s legit. There is a leprechaun on my campus.  Good god.

I’m completely distracted now.  Leprechauns.  Dear Lord. 

Anyway.

  

Oh, I guess there’s also the fact that I’m Irish.  But not enough to be going around telling people to kiss me because of it.  My Irish accent eventually turns into a British-Indian accent.  I’m honestly just Irish enough to appreciate the occasional potato product, and to blame my temper on my Irish roots.  And my reddish hair.  I’m sort of a melting pot of culture-  Lithuanian, French, Irish.  Eastern European and French mostly. 

I also like St. Patrick’s day, because I get to observe all of the drunks.  And I inevitably get a few drunk texts that are always an interesting part of the day after I interpret the meaning through all of the extra letters incorporated into it. 

This morning, I got an email from facebook telling me about a message that the local pub (whose owner I am somehow friends with on FB) is serving Irish breakfast; green eggs and green beer.  Yum.  (Not). Yes, let’s start the day off right with a yeasty green drink and some eggs.  I guess it doesn’t help that I don’t like eggs or beer.  I like to pretend I’m more refined than that. Although in reality I just think that beer smells and tastes similar to spoiled bread dough and vomit. Just saying.

I saw a shirt at an Irish festival that I went to a few months ago. It said “Kiss me I’m Irish, slip me some tongue, I’m French.”

If I had a shirt like that, it would have to say “buy me a vodka shot, I’m Russian, then kiss me I’m Irish, then try to slip me some tongue since I’m French, then be kicked in the cahones because I’m not a slut.”

Win.

Now let’s talk BO.

Yuck right?

No one likes BO.  But it’s a natural occurrence right? I mean , you hit puberty, and at some point you (or the person next to you is) is like, ‘wow, that game of dodgeball was hardcore…shit, what smells like onions?’

Naturally, in order to counteract this unfortunate phenomenon, you take showers regularly, and invest in some D.O for your B.O.  After that, it’s typically solved, except if you might forget to put it on after your shower and then run a few miles, or you just sweat profusely and forget to reapply.

Sooo, I find it unacceptable that in our 20 somethings, there are STILL people who reek of ze boday odeur.  I have encountered two such individuals (of many) that I come in contact with on a daily basis. HOW does this happen?  There is soap readily available EVERYWHERE! In fact, where I work, you can get it AND deo for FREE.  There is no excuse to not be deodorizing!

I mean REALLY? Do you NOT notice that while most people around you smell like perfume, cologne,  -(ohp, there’s a bald guy wearing a kilt and knee socks with a tee shirt…such diversity on this campus!) – or at least SOAP or neutrality, you are sending off stink vibes that would scare off Pepe le Pu and Pigpen??  How do you NOT smell the stench of onions and body oil emanating from your body?  How do you NOT notices that people hold their breath and make faces when you walk too close to them?  I mean, not to be a bitch, but REALLY? 

From now on, I’m going to carry axe with me.  If I smell BO, you’re getting sprayed.  That’s just it.  Think of me as your friendly neighborhood BO eradicator. 

So here are some fun facts about body odor-

·         Sweat doesn’t actually smell, it’s the bacteria on your skin reacting with the sweat that makes it smell.

·         Body odor can indicate health problems.

·         Research shows that a chemical in men’s sweat can cause women to be turned on, as well as to ‘regulate’ menstruation and the release of feminine chemicals.

·         People choose partners by odor.  If you don’t like the smell of your partner’s body odor, you should reconsider having a long-term relationship with them, as the odor is a significant factor is sexual attraction.  It has to do with different immune systems. (You naturally choose a partner who has a different immune system than yours, which you can sense by the smell of their body)

·         Body odor indicates what you eat.

·         Women’s sweat typically smells like onions, men’s smells like cheese. (ew, to both.)

·         Asians produce less body odor.

·         Body odor is just as unique as a finger print.

·         Women are more sensitive to body odor.

It’s very strange to think that you enjoy the smell of a person’s body odor if you’re attracted to them in an evolutionary, biological way.  I guess that explains the failure of my past love encounters. :p

Okay kiddies, that’s it today,

Erin go Bragh, Póg ma thoin, and Tá m'árthach foluaineach lán d'eascanna.

Ta!